Chapter 1
My blood-curdling scream ripped through the night and jolted me from my sleep.
“—Lacey! Lacey! It’s me, Emma.”
“Wh-what?” I asked, peering into the darkness. As my eyes adjusted, I could see Emma standing in the doorway.
“It’s okay, you’re safe,” she said as she turned on the light and approached me.
Tossing my covers off, I sat up in bed, wrapping my arms around myself in an effort to still the violent tremors that traveled through my body. Sweat trickled down my spine as a wave of nausea washed over me. I hopped out of bed and made it to my tiny bathroom in time for my stomach to empty its contents from the night before.
“Oh gosh, are you okay?” Emma asked.
“Yeah.” I flushed the toilet and splashed my face with cold water. “Dammit!” I said, slapping my hand down on the bathroom sink. “Please tell me that did not just happen.”
“I think it did happen.”
Emma joined me in the bathroom, her house shoes flopping with each step she took. She lowered the toilet seat and sat down. Concern spread across her face.
I tucked a piece of long, blond hair behind my ear and sat on the side of the white bathtub.
“I’m so sorry. I—”
“—Don’t apologize. I’m just worried about you.”
My chest filled with a deep breath, and I tried to focus on the way the tile felt under my bare feet, the warmth of the night air on my skin, the hardness of the tub, anything to bring me back from that horrible place.
“The dream─I was trapped at Mama’s.” My voice barely hovered above a whisper. “But this time, she locked me underneath the house. There was only dirt and spiders. . .”
“Jiminy Christmas,” Emma replied softly.
“Sorry I scared you. I didn’t even know it was me screaming until I woke up and you were in my bedroom.”
“Well, I know you’re leaving tomorrow for Oregon, but I think you should reconsider your career choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Personally, I think you missed your calling. Those scream queens in the movies have nothing on you,” she said.
A smile eased across my face. “You would know, you love those stupid movies,” I said and stood up.
My body had calmed down some and I wasn’t shaking uncontrollably anymore. Exhausted, I made my way back to my bed. I glanced at the clock; it blared 3:00 a.m.
“Ugh,” I said and plunked down on my bed. “I’m tired but wide awake now.”
“Yup, me too, so scoot your skinny butt over. We’re having a slumber party.”
I laughed and made room next to me for Emma.
A heavy sigh escaped me as I realized this was my last morning not sharing a room with someone. Emma and I had decorated it together, and I’d grown fond of it. I’d picked out a black-and-pink bedspread, which provided some much-needed contrast to my all-white furniture and the white apartment walls. I would leave my furniture with Emma, though; it wouldn’t fit in my dorm room.
“I’m excited and scared at the same time about leaving tomorrow,” I said. “What if I have nightmares like this while I’m there?” A long thread hanging off my bedsheet gained my attention and I pulled at it.
“Well, this is the only major one you’ve had lately. I think you’re worried about the move—it’s a lot to handle, but you’ve come so far in the last six months.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. The nightmare just really scared me is all.”
“Try not to think about it anymore. You have so many good things to look forward to. This time tomorrow, you’ll be in Eugene! And I’m so excited to hear what your new college is like.”
Turning, I looked at Emma. I knew she didn’t want me to leave. She would be my only reason to stay, but it wasn’t enough—we both knew it. The last few months had been torture.
We hung out and laughed about all the silly things we’d done while living together. We talked about what we would miss, and we made plans to visit each other a few times a year. I wanted her to visit me on campus and see what life was like outside of Arkansas, and I agreed to visit her the moment my schedule allowed me to.
As the first rays of sunshine spilled through my bedroom curtains, we made coffee, moved out onto the deck, and watched my last sunrise in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
* * *
I checked my watch and glanced around the crowded Western Sizzlin’. It was Sunday, and everyone and their mother went to this place to eat after church. This afternoon was no exception. I scanned the entryway and the crowded front section of the restaurant for Emma’s parents while she parked the car, which was loaded up with my luggage. I bit my lip as tears threatened my eyes at the thought of saying goodbye to them.
As if losing Walker weren’t enough, I also hadn’t spoken to Mama since the horrible night I moved out. If it hadn’t been for Emma and her family, I wouldn’t have had the strength to follow through with it. Jim and Linda had supported me through an awful time in my life, and I loved them like they were my real parents.
When I finally shared everything with them—Mama’s abuse, the imaginary demon possession, Walker leaving me, and the weeks I’d spent locked in Mama’s house—I thought I’d lose them. I figured I’d come home one afternoon and find all my belongings on the apartment patio. But it never happened. They loved me and supported me while I healed enough to take a step out on my own.
Emma walked through the front door of the restaurant. “There they are,” she said and waved at her parents.
I followed her through the crowded restaurant, scanning faces as I walked. Even though I hadn’t seen Walker in months, I still looked for him. When you loved someone that deeply, they didn’t just disappear overnight. Moving to Oregon would hopefully help me let go and move on.
“Hi!” I said as I hugged Jim and Linda.
“Are you ready?” Linda asked and grinned from ear to ear. “You know we’re going to miss you, but this is an excellent step for you.” Her manicured red nails flashed as she clapped her hands together. She’d recently colored her hair a soft brown which now matched her eyes.
“I am, and apparently, it’s only eighty degrees there right now, too. Can you imagine the end of August in the eighties? Good riddance to the hundred-and-two-degree, muggy weather. And how is it possible I use half a can of Aqua Net and the minute I step outside, all my hard work collapses?” I asked, giggling.
“It sounds like you’ll have a few months to settle in before the rain comes,” Jim said as he stroked his salt-and-pepper beard.
“I love the rain, so hopefully it won’t bother me at all,” I replied, scanning the menu.
We focused on choosing our food and resumed our conversation after the waitress took our order. I promised Jim and Linda I’d visit as soon as I could. Emma mentioned planning a trip to Oregon. We chatted while we ate, and the butterflies began to flutter in my stomach the closer we got to leaving for the airport.
The waitress cleared our plates and filled our cups with coffee.
“Here, we wanted to give you something,” Jim said as he placed a package on top of the table.
“Aww, you didn’t have to get me anything,” I said. “You’ve already done so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“It’s not about repaying anything,” Linda said. “It’s about family.”
I frowned and stared at the large present. It was wrapped in bright-blue paper with a white bow.
“Go on, open it,” Emma said as she motioned for me to hurry up.
“Okay,” I said and tore the paper open. My mouth dropped as I stared at a brand-new phone and answering machine.
“It’s for your dorm room. You can call us anytime to say hello or if you need anything. You’re family now, which means you’re stuck with us,” Linda said, laughing. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you thousands of miles away, not being able to call us anytime you wanted to. You’ve come so far in the last few months. We’re so proud of you.”
Jim nodded in agreement as Emma leaned over and hugged me.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I whispered. “Thank you—this means the world to me.” Standing, I hugged Jim and Linda, wiping away the tears that were running down my cheeks.
Part of me didn’t ever want to let them go, but I knew it was time. I’d worked hard for this.
“No crying,” Linda said as she dabbed her eyes.
“Are you talking to yourself or Lacey?” Jim said, chuckling.
“I’m gonna use the ladies’ room before we leave,” Emma said as she pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. “Be right back.”
As I turned to ask Linda a question, something caught my eye. Emma was talking to someone. When I saw who it was, my hand jerked and I knocked over my coffee cup. I jumped back in my seat and grabbed napkins to mop up the mess.
I searched for Emma again, but she was gone.
So was Walker.
“Are you okay?” Linda asked.
“Yeah, guess I’m just a little nervous about the move,” I said and attempted a smile.
Linda and Jim helped me clean up the spilled coffee, my eyes darting nervously around the restaurant. I didn’t see him.
Maybe I hadn’t really seen him at all. But I knew better, and I’d recognize him anywhere.
“We’d better get going—we still have an hour-long drive to the airport,” Emma said as she returned to our table.
Her cheeks were flushed, which confirmed what I’d seen. Walker was here, and I was about to leave and fly two thousand miles away. I’d managed not to run into him for nine months, and the day I was scheduled to leave, there he was.
I nodded, gathered my belongings, and said goodbye to Jim and Linda one last time as we all exited the restaurant and located our cars. Regrouping my thoughts, I tried to focus on the journey in front of me. It was over with Walker, and I was moving on.
“It sucked saying goodbye to your parents,” I said, sliding into the passenger seat of Emma’s car. “I don’t wanna ugly cry all the way to the airport, so it’s your job to make me laugh.”
“Are you kidding? I’m trying not to cry too. If I do, I’ll have to pull over on the side of the road, and you’ll miss your plane.”
“Oh Lord, let’s not. I’m scared, but that doesn’t mean I wanna miss my flight.”
“Haha, I know, right?” Emma asked. “I’m so proud of you, but this sucks monkey toes. Never in a million years would I have thought my best friend would move so far away. I know you’re gonna do great, but I’m gonna miss you so bad. Promise me you’ll call me a few times a month. In fact, call me and then I’ll call you right back so you don’t have to pay for it.”
“Emma, I can’t.”
“You will if it means I won’t get to talk to you otherwise! I’m serious—it’s not about you, it’s about me.”
I covered my mouth and tried not to giggle, but it escaped anyway. She glanced at me and giggled as well.
“I’m serious, now. This isn’t all about you,” Emma said, which made me laugh harder.
“Oh my God, stop!” I said, gasping for air. “I’ll call, I promise. Just don’t wreck the car.”
“Lacey Anne, I swear, no one else makes me giggle over such stupid stuff.”
“Same here.”
My pulse quickened while I looked out the window and tried to decide if I should say anything about Walker. The painful reminder of him and Brittany at Susan’s funeral resurfaced.
“Walker─I saw you talking to him,” I whispered.
“Crap! You did? Jeez, he just had to show up when you were almost out the door. I wanted to give him a good pop in the arm.”
“What did he say?”
“Do I really need to tell you? I mean, you’re leaving. What good will it do?”
“Please, I just need to know.”
“He saw me going to the bathroom and said hi,” she said. Her grip on the steering wheel had tightened; her knuckles were turning white. There was something she didn’t want to tell me.
“What else?”
“Don’t make me tell you,” Emma pleaded.
“Emma, now,” I said firmly.
“He asked about you,” she muttered.
“What? I don’t think I heard you right.”
She sighed and flexed her fingers, allowing the blood flow to return.
“He asked about you. I told him it wasn’t okay—he doesn’t get to ask about you after what he did.”
“Oh, no. You didn’t.” Exasperation filled my voice. “He had no idea what happened with . . . he never heard the truth.”
“I know, and he doesn’t just get to saunter up to me and act like nothing happened. He asked if you were there and I told him he’d better stay away from you or I’d crack him upside the head.”
I was too upset to laugh, even though the thought of Emma actually hitting Walker was funny.
“Oh my God, you did not say that!” I said.
“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I? He needs it if he’s still married to Brittany.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Emma said.
“What do you know?” I asked, narrowing my gaze.
Emma tapped her fingernails on the steering wheel.
“Look. I’m leaving, and nothing will make me stay,” I said. “Just tell me so I can move on.”
“I ran into him about a month ago while I was at the grocery store. He and Brittany were having problems. He asked about you then, but I told him to leave you alone and let you move on.”
“Holy shit,” I muttered.
“You can’t stay here for him. They’re still together as far as I know. He’s married, you’re not, and you’re moving away.”
“I wish it were that simple,” I said.
“Go meet a nice, good-lookin’ Oregon boy and move on.”
I bit my lip and stared out the window. Walker had asked about me twice in the last month, and I was leaving. Emma and I rode the rest of the way to the airport in silence.
